At a glance

• Based on the reader question: How can I overcome imposter syndrome when changing my habits?
• The all-or-nothing mindset is not principled. It is self-sabotage wearing principle's coat
• 50% is better than zero, especially when 100% isn't possible. Being almost-something is not failure; it's progress
• Supporting structures are not signs of weakness. They are how good work gets done. Some are transitional; others become permanent. Both are fine
• Renegotiate your goals to build in flexibility, and stop apologising for it

Introduction

There is a kind of person who, upon learning that you're vegan, will immediately ask about bacon. You might share that, on occasion, you still indulge in a rasher or two. So you're not really vegan then. Their face turns smug. They have won the argument you never knew you were having.

This pattern exists everywhere. You don't drink alcohol. What about the champagne you sipped at the birth of your firstborn? You workout three times a week. You only managed twice this week. You draw using sketch lines and references. What, you don't do it all from your imagination?

The belief driving these jibes is that unless you act perfectly, you're a fraud. The Brits are especially guilty of this. The Americans are worse.

50% is better than 0, especially when 100% isn't possible. Embracing this attitude is one of the most useful tricks for "cheating" your way towards your goals, building new habits, and ditching old ones.

The British are bad

The legacy of the British class system is to blame for a lot. For centuries, knowing your place wasn't a suggestion; it was a way of life. Aspiration made people uncomfortable. It still often does. You were either in or out, and trying to change where you belonged was suspicious.

We don't like it when people try to improve themselves: studying hard for a better life; ordering a salad; opting for a mocktail. It feels like they're trying to live about their station.

Driven by the instinct to protect the nonsensical order of things, we find the flaw, point at it, heckle, and feel better.

The Americans are worse

The Americans have Hollywood to blame. The big before-and-after transformation from rock bottom has been exported so relentlessly that it now serves as the default template for self-improvement.

'I'll sleep when I'm dead,' my American travel companions used to say. The dream isn't worth having unless you suffer correctly to get it.

The British pull you down for trying. The Americans demand you try so perfectly that most people quietly give up before they start. Different cultures, same outcome. And in both cases, the person who loses is the one who wanted to change something.

Climbing with a rope

Rock climbers use safety ropes to catch them if they fall. The rope is not a sign of weakness or fraud; it's integral to their success.

We forget this easily, because most supporting structures are hidden or quietly erased. News anchors use teleprompters to support their fluency during broadcasts. Artists use guidelines to compose sketches, then remove them before the final draft. The scaffolding comes down; the building remains.

Thinking about the support structures you need is a more productive starting point than trying to be perfect from day one. Take my diet. I'm literally 95% vegan. I made the shift for health reasons.¹ But going 100% vegan was too difficult when travelling, visiting friends, or when a tiramisu-craving creeps up.

Three meals a day over a year gives me 1,095 meals. Five percent of that is roughly 55 meals I can spend on bone broth ramen, a lamb biriyani, or an emergency slice of mango cheesecake.

It's quite fun. I've introduced myself to loads of new flavours and methods of cooking, without feeling like I'm living in a straitjacket. I also have a standing caveat: if my health demands a temporary change, I'll make it.

Those 55 meals are my supporting structures. The scaffolding that allowed me to adopt a new habit, clear my brain fog, raise my energy levels, and keep going without feeling like a hostage to my own goal.

So, how might you renegotiate yours?

I could never give up Amazon. Maybe you order from Amazon only as a last resort, prioritising local shops first. I would feel weird going out without drinking. Perhaps you only drink on weekends. There are plenty of creative, slightly absurb ways to caveat a goal:

• Vegan, but bacon
• Olympian, but biscuits
• Writer, but thesaurus
• Monogamous, but free pass for one specific, consenting, and attractive celebrity

Stepping stones and permanent fixtures

Some supporting structures are temporary. Training wheels come off. The scaffolding comes down once the building holds itself up. That fine. Some supports exist to get you started, and the goal is to eventually not need them.

But there is no rule that says all supports must go. The news anchor who has read from a teleprompter for twenty years is not a fraud; that is simply how excellent work gets done consistently, every night, without error. Some structures are transitional. Other become a permanent and useful part of how you operate.

The useful question is not 'when do I stop needing this?' It's 'Is this helping me move forward?' If it is, keep it and stop apologising for it.

Marathon walker

A friend of mine ran the London Marathon a few springs ago. She ran eighteen miles, walked a short stretch of the nineteeth when her legs gave out, then ran the rest. Somewhere along the river, a woman on a bench shouted, 'Marathon walker!'²

See, what did I tell you about the Brits?

My friend carried the heckle with her all the way to the finish line. Afterwards, she reflected that she didn't care. We are all using workarounds and impure shortcuts to keep going. The ones who pretend otherwise are either lying or have risked so little they have nothing to brag about.

Conclusion

Be more vegan, but bacon. More Olympian, but biscuits. More writer, but thesaurus. You are not trying to fit into a crowd that wants to drag you down, or to be the hero of some clean story. You are just trying to get where you're going.

And once you're there – medal around your neck, the bench-woman a sweaty memory – whether you are proud of yourself is a decision you get to make.

You showed up, imperfectly, repeatedly, and got to the finish line anyway. For most of us, that's what achievement actually looks like.

1. This was in the aftermath of my mum passing away and I got freaked out about dying. My friend recommended the book, 'How Not To Die'. It looks at the top 15 causes of premature death and assesses how well a plant-based diet can help. I read it in 2023 and I'm still here, so it appears to be working. Results may vary. ↩︎
2. The story made me think of the Bob Dylan lyric from, 'Rainy Day Women #12 & #35', 'They'll stone you...' ↩︎